When at the always crowded North Avenue beach, someone will always one up you.

 

We’ve always been a fan of Esquire magazine’s “The Rules” — humorous truisms for men — so we thought it’d be fun to come up with some rules specifically for Chicago men. We’re calling our rules The Chicago Ways, a name that obviously comes Sean Connery’s speech in The Untouchables. This will be an ongoing series, and we welcome submissions (send them to Mark@ManUpChicago.com, put them in the comments section or send 140 character versions at the Man Up Chicago Twitter account). See the first volume of our rules for Chicago men as well as our second.

13. No matter what, there will always be someone at North Avenue beach who is:

  • Tanner than you.
  • More waxed than you.
  • Buffer than you.
  • More tattooed than you.
  • Drunker than you.

14. Golf umbrellas aren’t strictly for golf courses, but if you use them while walking down crowded downtown streets, you’re sort of an asshole.

15. The $20, “all you can eat and drink” happy hour specials at bars like Duffy’s and Durkins are only a good deal if you don’t get so drunk that you end up buying expensive rounds of shots later in the night.

16. Chicago debates never worth having: Better grocery store, Dominick’s or Jewel?

17. Taking camera-phone photos of unsuspecting people on the L or bus, and then posting that photo on Twitter so you can make fun of the unsuspecting person, will result in the worst type of Karma known in the digital age. (We do like the CTA photos Tumblr, since it’s not about embarrassing people and making rude comments).

18. Speaking of Twitter: Anyone who uses the hashtag #protips is neither a professional nor has tips that are worth sharing.

19. Rules for running shirtless in the summer:

  • On the lakefront paths: acceptable.
  • Side streets and major streets with minimal pedestrian traffic: if you absolutely have to.
  • The heart of neighborhood on weekend afternoon: never, and possibly a ticketable offense.