Boat time? Bro time.

We’ve always been a fan of Esquire magazine’s “The Rules” — humorous truisms for men — so we thought it’d be fun to come up with some rules specifically for Chicago men. We’re calling our rules The Chicago Ways, a name that obviously comes Sean Connery’s speech in The Untouchables. This will be an ongoing series, and we welcome submissions (send them to or put them in the comments section). See the first volume of our rules for Chicago men.

8. If you stand in line for 45 minutes to buy doughnuts, you lose the right to say things like, “I really want to (read more, exercise more, etc.) but I just can’t find the time.”

9. You’re more likely to experience claustrophobia than good food at the Taste of Chicago.

10. It’s not the size of your boat that determines whether or not people assume you’re a sleazy, Lake-Michigan boat owner, it’s where you dock it: Belmont Harbor, yes. New Buffalo, no.

11. There is no better place to run into an ex than a Chicago street festival.

12. Best way to appropriate time at a Chicago Cubs rooftop game:

  • Going to food buffet and bar 65%.
  • Checking out the other rooftops for people you know, people to make fun of, and girls to ogle 25%.
  • Watching the game 10%.